I’ve been reading a lot about feminism in general lately, both those who practice it and those who rail against it, and I’ve noticed that in those con-arguments there is a feeling that some “rules” of feminism are what have set them off. The idea that feminist are misandrists that hope to place women in all top positions so that we can take over the men and force them to our will. While such a Feminine Utopia might sound nice at first (joking!), I feel the need to put my personal perspective out into the aether in hopes that it can give a broader understanding to what feminism means.
Many of my friends (and not friends) do know me as the kind of career-driven, ball-busting, independent feminist that makes those “I’ll never date a feminist” guys do one of these numbers running the other way!
My hubs is also what I would call a feminist, in that he has always supported women being independent, treated equally, and as human beings, not sex objects. But here’s the kicker, we both also grew up on Disney movies – with graceful princesses being rescued by dashing heroes.
Though in some of those the “graceful princess” had a good deal of gumption of her own! (Rescuers, Lion King, Nightmare Before Christmas, etc.) I mean the hubs got his first kiss by asking me to dance with him while we watched Enchanted at his place! Disgustingly romantic.
So how do you combine an independent spirit with a dashing rescue? Turns out it’s really quite easy. I’m comfortable enough with my own independence and abilities that I have nothing to prove, so that I can enjoy letting my husband “play” the dashing rescuer when it comes to certain things. Other things the control freak in me won’t give up, and that’s also OK because he is comfortable in his abilities and in knowing why I want to take on some task on my own. Not because I have to prove anything, and not because I don’t think he can do it, it’s just something I want/have to do.
That’s the joy of feminism! By allowing every woman to be an individual person, with needs, wants, emotions, rather than a stereotype, men also get to shed stereotypes and have real needs, wants, and emotions. Emma Watson totally hit the nail on the head for me. While my feminism has both independent and dependent moments in my relationship, another woman’s may be fully independent, while another woman may be looking for a full-time “prince charming.” Because we are real people, and not the stereotypical versions of ourselves, being a feminist allows us those freedoms.
So before you judge someone’s personal life, career choice, partner choice…basically before you judge another person, think feminism. Think about real people versus what commercialism, patriarchies, or religions tell us what people should be.
a spoonful of ginger 